Preparing for Role Changes When Caring for Older Adult

Most of us have an idea in our heads about how life will be as we age. We often grow up imagining who we will marry, how many children we will have, and finally, we imagine growing old with our significant other. We think about what our children will be like as they become adults, who they will marry, and how many grandchildren they will provide to us. These visions of how life will be as we age many times do not involve the idea of caring for our aging parents. We have spent our entire lives building a relationship role of being cared for by our parents. When that role becomes reversed as our parents need care for themselves, our lives can change significantly.  These changes will also involve our significant others, and it is best to start thinking about and preparing for the changes early on in our adult lives to help decrease the shock of family role changes when they occur. We want to envision the perfect life when bringing our aging parent into the household, but we should make sure to be prepared for the potential conflicts that may arise with this significant change.

One area of preparation may be the most obvious but still needs a considerable about of thought. Where will my family member's living area be? According to Jett (2020), it is best to have semiprivate living quarters that provide privacy for the older adult (p. 457). We must consider how we will obtain this space. Will someone else in the home need to sacrifice their own living space to accommodate the new member of the house? How will that person feel about the sacrifice? Will resentments arise if the person feels forced to make that change? It is imperative to have those discussions with the family before making changes to the living arrangements. There should be clear expectations about the family members' personal private space and what will be considered shared living space. Everyone's privacy should be respected, and discussions about furnishings and shared spaces should occur before the move (Jett, 2020).

Another consideration to discuss before moving an elderly parent into the home is the financial changes that will take place. There might be changes to your ability to maintain a career while simultaneously providing care to your parent, depending on the level of care needed. According to Ehrilich (2020), women are often impacted the most by workforce changes due to their often assumed role as the primary caregiver in western society (p. 1388). The family will need to consider who will leave the workforce if the need arises to provide full-time care to the elderly parent. There are often extra costs involved in caring for an elderly parent, like medical costs and living expenses. Medication costs can be thousands of dollars per month, and insurance does not always cover the costs at 100%. While many people believe that Medicare will cover their healthcare expenses, the reality is it will only cover a portion of a skilled nursing facility stay and does not cover long-term care facilities or in-home care services for the elderly parent (Ward, 2020). It is essential to discuss your parents' financial responsibilities early to prepare for the possible need for healthcare services. According to Jett (2020), having older adults pay for a share of their living expenses can help decrease financial conflict in the home (p. 457). Preparations should be made for unexpected medical expenses that may occur as aging progresses. There may be a need for outside recourses to assist in covering costs, and The National Council on Aging (n.d.) provides links to helpful resources families can apply for, including food assistance and medical coverage.

Another aspect to consider will be the parents' wishes in regards to healthcare decisions and end-of-life care. There needs to be a clear understanding of who will be responsible for healthcare and financial decisions if the parent becomes unable to make those decisions. A living will is a legal document that allows a person to have their healthcare wishes known to assist with future medical decisions made on the person's behalf. It is a good idea to have a living will, a durable medical power of attorney, and durable financial power of attorney. These powers of attorney can be different people or the same person according to the parent's choosing. A family law attorney can assist with these documents, or the family can pursue obtaining the documents through free online resources. Free Florida Living Will Forms website provides these forms for people residing in Florida. The forms can be filled out online and then printed and signed with witnesses to become legally binding. It is advised that all parties have a copy in a safe place that can be easily accessed when needed. When these forms are in place, it can decrease decision-making stress because the parent's wishes are written down. It can also reduce potential disagreements on who should be making decisions medically and financially because those roles are set in place before the need arises.

Communication and preparation are critical when preparing for significant changes in family roles. Bringing a parent into the home will require adjustments in lifestyles and planning for everyone in the house. Having discussions, making preparations, and knowing the recourses available will help make the transition less stressful for the entire family. It is vital to anticipate potential conflicts and addressing those problems before they occur.

Below are links to the resources listed above:

Click here for free Florida living will and power of attorney online forms.

Click here for caregiver resources.

Click here for older adult resources. 

References:

Ehrlich, U., Möhring, K., & Drobnič, S. (2020). What Comes after Caring? The Impact of Family Care on Women's Employment. Journal of Family Issues, 41(9), 1387–1419. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X19880934

Free Florida Living Will Forms: Advance Health Care Directive. Living Will Forms. (n.d.). https://livingwillforms.org/fl/.

Jett, K. F. (2020). Ebersole & Hess' toward healthy aging: human needs & nursing response (Tenth). Elsevier.

The National Council on Aging. (n.d.). https://www.ncoa.org/caregivers/money.

Ward, C. (2020). Reflections on Caring for an Aging Parent. MEDSURG Nursing, 29(1), 7–55.